21

For those of you who read my old xanga, you know what’s about to come.

The requisite whine post, talking about how I haven’t done shit since I graduated high school and how I fail.

Instead of writing a hundred or words on that, I present you Jero.

Inner City School Gets 100% of Its Black Men Into College

Inner City School Gets 100% of Its Black Men Into College.

Now this is the type of shit I like to see.

50 Peaceful Things

50 Peaceful Things

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Tinybuddha.com is a website whose RSS feed I subscribe too.  You should read it too!

Despondence

The title pretty sums up how I’ve been feeling recently.

I should be content, after all I have food, housing, and clothing and I’m not struggling to make ends me, yet I still feel this emptiness.

I feel as if I’ve been stuck in the same position since I left high school, a position of emptiness, low productivity relative to my goals, and loneliness.

Coming Soon

(UPDATE 3/5 1:30am EST: One page written.  Part 2 should be up by tomorrow.)

I’ve been feeling out of it recently and most of my energy has been focused on college planning things, but the next two posts will be the conclusion of my 228 post.

Sorry for the delay.

Karl Marx…poet?

Everybody knows about Karl Marx’s sociological and political writings, The Communist Manifesto, Capital, etc.

Did you know he also wrote poetry?

228 Massacre: Part 1

(Note: This is the first part of a three part series on the 228 Massacre.  Part I will cover the events leading up to the massacre, part 2 will cover the massacre itself, and part III will discuss the aftermath.  I originally intended this to be one post, but I realized I wanted to go into more detail, so it would be better to split this up.)

Coming up soon is the 63rd anniversary of the 228 Massacre, also known as the 228 Incident.  It is so named for the violent crackdown that started on February 28th, 1947 in Taiwan.  As with any historical tragedy where there has been a government coverup, the exact number of deaths is unknown, but estimates range 10k on the low end, all the way up to 30k.

In addition to being a singular tragedy, it also marked the beginning of Taiwan’s White Terror period, which lasted for nearly 40 years, and involved the disappearance, imprisonment, or outright murder of thousands more.

For those of you unfamiliar with the above, you’re probably wondering why these events happened?

Unanswered questions

I realize I have many unanswered questions about parts of my New England life.

Really weird for me to refer to it that way.  ”My New England life”.  It seems so…distancing, like it’s a part of me that I’ve had removed from me.

I guess this distancing language and thought is necessary to keep me somewhat….above water depression wise.

Speaking of which, some of my thought patterns lately have been pathological.  Pathological in the sense that they dwell on things that they shouldn’t dwell on, which only serves, at best, to keep my depression at the same state, and usually serves to lower it.

I’m drifting.  Back to my original point, there are questions I still have, and I could ask them, but asking them could do more harm than good.

Then again, I’m a thousand miles away, should I even care about the possible damage it could do? Knowing how people, myself included, tend to blow things such as these out of proportion, it probably isn’t even that serious.

Toilet Epiphanies

About 26 hours ago, I woke up with my stomach bubbling, and I ended up running to the bathroom.

I didn’t leave the bathroom until four hours later.

I did bring my laptop with me, so I started surfing (does anybody use that term anymore?) the internet and thinking about things.

SSRI Discontinuation

I stopped taking my SSRI about a week ago.  The reason for this is more laziness than anything else, as I only have one pill left and I need to go get a refill.

Expectedly, I’ve started going through discontinuation syndrome, which isn’t that bad for me fortunately, just ridiculously vivid dreams.

The past few weeks, I’ve started to get the sneaking suspicion that my antidepressant is actually making me worse.  I always feel like shit not too long after taking it, and I don’t know if the medication is causing it, or it’s just coincidental.

Days I don’t take the pill, I feel better, the thing is, my antidepressant has a fairly long half-life so most of the medication is still in my system a day later.

Only time will tell I guess.  I think I might get all my refills just in case.